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I also wasn't used to dating, I was used to being married. I didn't know how to make the transition; I was suffocating, smothering and desperate for his affection.
I will never know his motivations but I can't blame him for walking away from an obvious train wreck.
It took nearly two years from the day I left my marriage to finally feel like myself again.
Friendships tarnished and other aspects of my personal and professional life have been negatively affected, but I try to live with a positive outlook and not look back.
He had his own problems as everyone does, and I was just a disaster of a human being.
When it ended it felt like being dropped off an emotional cliff.
I was already so damaged from my divorce and now my first attempt at love was an implosion of epic proportions.
We sort of discovered through mutual friends that we both had a crush on each other, so it seemed inevitable that we would end up together.
The real source of my anguish was my divorce, so either it would have been this one painful affair or a series of short meaningless flings, but the outcome would have been the same. After an agonizing eight-hour long anxiety attack and three days of very little sleep, I finally bottomed out, and then I got into therapy.
I briefly went on antidepressants and little by little, month by month, the horrible twisted vice of depression released its grip and I began to have my mind back.
The most important thing that I learned from my supernova experience is that no one else could save me.
No one person has enough love or strength to pull another out of a free fall, especially in a brand new relationship. I couldn't really be available emotionally to another partner when I couldn't even take care of myself.